$600 · 5-Year-Old Cat Looking For Human Roommate

My name is Zelda, and I'm looking for a human roommate. My human owner is renting out a house for $1200, but he's never around to enjoy it. That means for 22 hours a day, I'm lounging around by myself in luxury, being bored, lonely and tearing up my owner's socks. (He doesn't know that... yet.) I would love some company, and I don't want to move into a smaller place when he realizes he's paying a lot of money for something he isn't using. Technically, you'd be sharing the house with him too, but he's never around. A little about me(ow): I'm a cat. I don't have a job because I'm a cat. I like to hide behind the cutlery rack and spy at your from between the knives. I don't like other cats, especially the neighbourhood cats. I don't like other dogs, especially the neighbourhood dogs. There's an apple tree in the backyard where birds hang out. I don't like them either. The house is on a bus-route and is close to two pizza places and an ice-cream place. There's a fire-pit in the backyard. My owner uses two of the bedrooms for his stuff, but can easily move it to the smaller room. He's never home and usually sleeps on the couch anyway. Call or email my owner to let him know if you're interested. >^.^<